This word will probably bring a song to your mind; it is Micheal Jackson’s ‘speechless’ for me. It probably describes how you were dumbstruck when you set eyes on that beautiful creature that eventually became your significant other.
However, for some individuals, it describes what they feel when they enter their homes and immediately feel the thickness/tension in the atmosphere. Nothing is happening to suggest there is tension, nothing looks amiss, nothing points to an existing quarrel: but that is the problem – nothing!
Sometimes, it is better to have something you are dealing with, a reason to engage, than have nothing. However, there is so much to be dealt with in this situation, and nothing is said about it. The silence in these homes can be so loud till it is deafening.
Many married couples appear happy, as you do not hear a ruckus from their homes. They can win a ‘couple of the year’ in your community, unlike that other couple whose business is the neighborhood’s business. However, it does not mean that these couples do not have any friction or trouble, it just means they have grown speechless in the literal sense of the word (they do not know how to handle problems, misunderstanding, or conflict). It begins as a form of timidity or self-control but is a penchant to control the situation and eventually the other spouse. They have both (or at least, one party has) become masters in giving the silent treatment.
Let us walk through these homes and see how the silent treatment manifests. It is easier to solve a problem when you can identify it:
1. Total Silence: Malice and unresolved conflict are regulars in this home. Disagreements fester for long periods, and both spouses are used to the status quo. They do not have any meaningful conversation again and are just like familiar strangers or roommates. It takes great effort to greet each other or maintain some cordiality. Sign language takes the place of the English language. In most cases, couples drift apart and eventually sleep in different rooms. Their sex life becomes moribund. The marriage is on its way to a total collapse.
2. Morning Sickness: This plagues couples with nothing to say to each other after the casual/routine ‘Good Morning’. Everything becomes flat after that. Both parties hide behind their morning chores, getting ready for work, school runs, or making breakfast. It feels like two strangers who ‘unfortunately’ woke up on the same bed. Sometimes, this morning sickness extends to evenings too. After the ‘welcome back’ from work and dinner, nobody asks or talks about how their day went. Television and social media take over – and the cycle goes on.
Tomorrow, we will continue to see how silent treatments manifest in some homes.
Click here to read part 2
Excited about the series. Will share far and wide
Thanks, Mercy.
Thank you so much for this article Pastor.
As a contribution, I think more often than not, if a couple are not really really good friends at the beginning of their journey especially before marriage, it can be a bit dicey finding their way around the marriage when children come or when they leave home. Finding what to keep them engaged with each other other than discussion about children apart from arguing will be tasking. You will always want to say something to your spouse even if you are upset as long as you are friends. The emotions you have towards your spouse who is your friend are different from the one you have for a friend who is just your friend.
Absolutely right Aunty D!
Thank you so very much for your contribution. Serious food for thought. I like what you said about the emotions you have for a spouse who is your friend…
Great thought, Sis. It is also why many marriages fail after 25 years, when the children leave the home. Couples should invest in their friendship.
So excited that you’re writing about relationships again. Funny how when you’re dating, there’s so much to talk about and then many years down the marriage, that just dissipates
We are excited about the privilege to do so Japari. Looking forward to your joining us on the journey.
Yes. It takes being deliberate to keep the fire of conversations and communication alive. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Fantastic!!!
The Devil is in trouble .
Weldone Pastors
Thank you Jummy!
Yes!!! Glory be to God
I am so looking forward to this series. Super invested in learning and preparing for marriage.
#Excited
I am so looking forward to this series. It’s an investment in my future as I prepare for marriage.
#Excited
Yes it is. Excited to know you are 😊 Thanks
Thank you Pastor for this.. this will help a lot of couples and singles as well..
Thank you. Much appreciated.
So excited about this.. thank you Pastor.
I felt like you were talking to me. This used to be me, I didn’t know how to resolve conflict so I just give the silent treatment and it was always killing me. But am still a work in progress, better than how I used to be 😁. Looking forward to this series, it will help my marriage and others out there. Definitely sharing this. God bless you Pastor
Thanks so much, Princess, for your forthrightness. Glad you are progressing. It indeed gets better from here. Hang in here; there’s still more coming on the topic in subsequent episodes.
Thanks everyone for your insightful comments.