As promised last week, we conclude on reasons for the ‘cold’ conditions experienced in some homes. Thank you for your questions and contributions so far. Some of us could identify with the last four causes, and some will identify with the next 4. It is commonly said that identifying a problem brings us closer to its solution.
5. NAGGING: Let me begin by busting a myth; nagging is not a woman thing, some men nag. People who nag can wear their partners out by getting under their skin. When a spouse is fond of harping on the weaknesses or failings of a partner, it can breed a speechless spouse. When s/he is always ready to repeat past issues or goes on and on about a matter where especially their spouse is wrong, silence will soon be a constant companion in that marriage.
6. LINE ENGAGED: In several rising scenarios, marriages become speechless because someone of the opposite sex is ‘engaging the line’ of one spouse. The other spouse is left with ‘engaged signals’ or ‘barred calls’ when trying to reach them. The mind of the ‘engaged’ partner quickly and easily drifts from their spouse or the subject of discussion. The ‘ignored’ spouse eventually stops ‘dialing’, and the seeds of speechlessness begin to sprout.
7. 21ST CENTURY TOYS: Technology has made communication and keeping in touch easier. It is supposed to be a good thing, but what happens is that though it has made physical distance surmountable, it has created social distance. Communication between people in the same space can become extinct. So much time is spent on Social Media, watching TV, chatting on our phones, and browsing the internet. A case of catching up with secondary issues while the primary relationships suffer. A good thing has become poison in disguise because you indirectly tell your spouse that whatever you are doing is more important than whatever they say or how they feel.
8. POOR COMMUNICATION SKILLS: In some cases, couples do not understand the dynamics of talking, listening, understanding, and responding (not reacting), and it makes them speechless. I know it seems minor, but this is one major reason many couples are heading to divorce courts.
Join me on Wednesday as we discuss practical solutions to these scenarios. There is light at the end of this tunnel regardless of how dark it looks!
Thank you Pastor for always being on your toes to ensure marriages are preserved.
The above article truly captures scenario in most marriages of which of course mine isn’t an exception.
Am looking forward to the solution (s) and pray that God will continually increase you as He uses you to help us navigate the problems most 21st century marriages are going through.
Thanks, AAR. Indeed, these are quite eye-opening. Yes, we will be discussing the solutions later. Join us then.
So perhaps I am guilty of nagging. I need to go and tell one “close to being silent” woman I am sorry. I will work on this by his grace. Keep going sir…there is meat here
Hahaa! Go and sin no more. Lol! That’s the way to go. Communication is something we all need to keep working on in our marriages.
Loving your honesty Seun! Believing your kind will increase.
This an unpaid refresher course ! APT teaching The devil hides behinds theses seemingly little things and destroy unsuspecting Homes. God bless pastor!!
God bless you, sis. Thanks
Thank you for these insightful points Sir and Ma. I look forward to the solutions.
I didn’t really understand point 6 though….
Thanks, Ruth. I appreciate your taking the time to read the article.
The thought in point 6 is:
Communication is a skill, and not many people have it. It can be taught though. In our counseling, we define it as, TALKING, LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING, AND RESPONDING. Whenever there is a break in this chain, communication has not taken place. E.g., If a spouse is talking and the other one does not listen to understand but just jumps in to respond, it will backfire; the other spouse will feel they have not been heard. Of course, if a spouse isn’t talking, there will be nothing to respond to, and you will not understand what turns your spouse on or off. All these will eat at communication in the home.